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blindsided by reality

March 17, 2009

In all my grand preparations and resolutions, I was well aware that Lent would be a challenge and I was ready.  Or so I thought.  I was blindsided by a specific reality over the weekend.  I am ever aware of this reality – I deal with it on a daily basis.  Some days are harder than others but I’ve embraced it for what it is.

This weekend the bleak truth of my situation overwhelmed me.  Desire and reality stood side-by-side in contrast, and I wallowed in my hurt, frustration and helplessness.  It was an intense struggle that left me drained of all energy and motivation, which is why I didn’t post anything the last couple of days.  I had no inclination to pray, but still made sure God knew I was upset and why.  I felt utterly alone and abandoned, as I echoed Christ’s words from the Cross: My God, why have you forsaken me?!

As I delved deeper and deeper into the pain, I held fast to hope lest I drown in despair.  I know God has a plan, as well as valid reasons for my present reality.  I also know that God, in His omnipotence, understands I have limited knowledge of this great plan.  Because of those limitations there will be times of frustration.  The Lord expects that.  Even Christ fell under the weight of His Cross of suffering.  Why would I be any different, except that I will fall more than three times?

And fall I did!  Hard.  It was not pretty.  I pray daily that I will have the strength to carry my cross with dignity and grace.  As I cried for the umpteenth time on Saturday, I realized I should pray that I will fall with grace and dignity, too.  I was a rather pathetic sight.

I got back on my feet eventually.  The suffering of my reality has not lessened but I am done wallowing.  I am relieved that part is behind me, but I cherish that time of difficulty.  Not because I enjoy pain, I cherish it because those moments were honest and intimate.  I cherish that time because I encountered Christ in His suffering.  And I cherish it because I have hope of God’s promise fulfilled and joy after the pain.  The greater the pain, the greater the joy!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. March 23, 2009 12:39 pm

    “And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” -Luke 1:45

    You inspire me.

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