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finding a way off the carousal

August 26, 2009

Lately, I’ve felt as though I’m on a never-ending carousal ride.  It’s as though the carousal is on repeat: as soon as I think it’s over, I find myself at the beginning of the cycle yet again.  It’s the same thing over and over.  I know the routine so well, I can anticipate what comes next.  I can’t quite predict the ride yet – sometimes the carousal conductor throws a few surprises in there, but I’m definitely able to anticipate the gentle gliding of the carousal animals as they go round and round and when to expect the turbulence to appear. 

The carousal or merry-go-round or whatever I’m stuck on does not encompass every area of my life.  Only a few are affected by this constant spinning, but it is still exhausting.  I didn’t mind at first – carousal rides are fun once in a while – but it is starting to wear on me.  The dizziness is starting to make me feel nauseous.  I just want to get off this thing!

There are moments when I’m at the edge of the carousal.  It slows down and I’m about to get off.  The next think I know, I get shoved back and my opportunity to get off passes.  Other times, I find that even though I want to jump off and carousal has slowed enough for me to do so, I can’t because I am strapped to whatever animal I happen to be on.  I’m grateful that I can acknowledge I have allowed fear to hold me back.  So with all this insight, why can’t I get off this contraption?

Last night, a friend reminded me that life is not a repetitious amusement park ride that makes us feel like little hamsters running a futile race in a wheel.  Life is a journey.  Even though it seems to be repeating itself, my life is not stuck on the merry-go-round.  Perhaps it was for a little while, but it was good to be reminded that I can call out to the conductor in grand “Mary Poppins” fashion.  And off I’ll go to continue my journey, gliding away gracefully on my sturdy carousal steed, confident that the carousal conductor is still guiding me along the way.

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