warning: dancing at full capacity
Last week, my dance instructor (DI) stopped me after a combination. “It was ok,” she said, “but… you keep hesitating. Don’t worry about trying to do it perfectly. If you give it everything you have, it will just happen. It’s almost as if you are afraid of letting yourself really dance the combination to your full capacity. I want you to do it again and this time just let go. Let go of your fear of falling or getting hurt. You should never be afraid to fall. You are only 5’1”; you don’t have very far to go.” DI smiled. “Are you ready? Remember: don’t second guess your movements. Take a deep breath and give it everything you have. Don’t be afraid to let go and let it happen.”
I took what she said to heart. As much as I try to be a woman who “laughs at the days to come”, there are many ways fear finds its way in. I am naturally a shy person and have always worried about doing something wrong, making a wrong decision, failing miserably at something, or falling flat on my face. Most of all I fear making a complete fool of myself in the process and being ridiculed for it. I try to be vigilant against fear, but sometimes it slips by when I’m not paying attention. Under the guise of a lack of confidence, the fear has eaten away at my trust in God, which has affected my ability to trust myself. The result of this can be seen in certain hesitations and in not allowing myself to live to my full capacity, similar to the way I’ve been dancing. Well, not anymore!!
After that moment in dance class, I made a conscious effort to put everything I had into each movement. The results were immediately noticed by DI. I could feel a difference too, especially at my next performance which was a few days later.
A dear friend was married last Saturday, and I performed two dances at the reception – one solo and the other with my siblings. It had been quite a while since my last solo performance. I was nervous beyond belief, but still determined to let go of all my inhibitions.
The joy I had for my friend and her new husband was immense. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to express it than through dance. It was probably the most fulfilling and exhilarating dance I have ever performed!
My first experience with letting go and dancing to my full capacity was a success. Of course, that doesn’t mean future practices and performances will be as successful, but in giving all of myself to every movement at least I won’t have any regrets. I have much to learn in this area, but, as with everything in dance and in life, it will get better the more I practice.
I just thought I’d warn you now. Who knows what will happen now that I’m dancing at full capacity?! The possibilities are endless!!!!