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windows & doors – take two

November 19, 2009

Well, the window has been shut.  I know that God has an open door for me, but I would be lying if I said I was indifferent to my window.  I cried, and I’m sure I will cry again over my shattered dreams.

The hardest part is I was originally told that the one detail on which the plan hinged wouldn’t be a problem.  I was almost through the window when they came back and said ‘on further thought, this won’t work’ and practically shoved me out on my backside.  Had they told me no from the beginning, I wouldn’t have been so disappointed.  Or even if they said they weren’t sure and would look into it.  But they didn’t.  They raised my hopes.  I got all excited.  My dream was about to become a reality!  Then it all came crashing down around me.

Through all of this, I’ve been reminded of the song, Embrace, written by my friend, Amanda Vernon:

The plan that I was clinging to has slipped out of my fingers.  Crashing as it hit the ground,  the fragments now lay shattered. Though my pride is torn and hurt In this promise, I take comfort:

When I lay my broken heart down upon the cross                             When I taste the tears that fall and accept the loss                        Though my dreams are crucified, they will rise up to new life          Death won’t have the final say when I embrace the pain.

It may take a few days before I accept the loss, but I will.  Soon my eyes won’t well up in tears at the mere thought of my dashed hopes.  I will learn to embrace this pain.  And when I can finally see through my tears, I will be able to see the beautiful open door God has for me:

In the silence Someone takes the pieces one by one.                     Gently sets them side-by-side like I could not have done.          Dreams I thought had died take on new shape before my eyes Beautifully… so much more than I had ever hoped for.

When I lay my broken heart down upon the cross                             When I taste the tears that fall and accept the loss                        Though my dreams were crucified they have risen to new life          Death won’t have the final say cause I embraced the pain.

photo of window c/o Charles Rennie Mackintosh – The Arts & Crafts Home

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