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sovereign patience

April 29, 2010

It has been ten months since my sister was robbed and shot in the chest, and we are still dealing with the repercussions on a daily basis.  This experience has been a test of our faith in God and in each other – a test that has actually been more difficult now than it was the first several months.

The shock has long since worn off, taking with it illusions of a short-term recovery.   Rosario’s doctors gave her at leasta year for a full recovery.  At the time, we didn’t fully comprehend how long a year of recovery can take.  Plus, their assessment was solely based on the physical aspect of her recovery.  They didn’t take into account healing of emotional and mental trauma, which could lengthen the originally forecasted timeframe.

Rosario exceeded the doctors expectations in the first weeks following surgery, which set us up to assume she would continue on the fast track to being her old self, but that hasn’t been the case.  Rosario’s recovery has been very slow: each day is filled with little progresses and little victories that can easily be overlooked.  It has been a process that requires patience, and the monotony of waiting for healing has sucked my patience reserve dry.  It’s not that I don’t love Rose or that I resent her in anyway; it’s because I love her so much and I am impatient to see her enjoy life without constant pain.

I finally had to surrender my expectations for Rosario’s recovery.  It wasn’t easy but I realized it was necessary.  She is already dealing with the reality of her situation and surrendering her own expectations, dreams and control of her life.  She doesn’t need the added stress and pressure of my expectations for her.  We ultimately have to cling to the truth that God is sovereign.  He reigned over us during the first crucial moments that initiated this journey.  He reigned over us during the surgery and Rosario’s time in the hospital.  God continued to reign over her months in LA and her return home.  He hasn’t forgotten about her.  God is still sovereign, and He is the one in charge of Rosario’s recovery.  I am surrounded by this truth every day, but being so close to it often makes it difficult to see.

Rosario still has a long way to go with her recovery – mentally, emotionally and physically.  Even at ten months post-op there is no definitive end in sight, which means our trust in God and in each other will continue to be tested.  At least we know that God is sovereign and will continue to guide Rosario to a full recovery.

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