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practicing trust: lesson three

October 3, 2010

In my first two trust lessons, I practiced trusting myself and trusting others but there was no way I could have done either if I didn’t first trust God.  The third lesson tested my trust of God in a way the others hadn’t:

Waiting for the jury’s decision in the trial against the woman who shot Rosario was agonizing.  Prior to the trial and up until Rosario took the stand, I had only focused on what she would have to undergo: testifying and cross-examination.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy for Rosario having to relive the events of the robbery and the horrid details of everything she endured in the emergency room and thereafter.  It was emotional and traumatizing enough the first time!  But I also knew the source of my sister’s strength and was confident she would rise to the occasion, which I am told she did.  I hadn’t even thought about what happens in a trial after the witness testifies until after Rosario testified.  By then it was too late to prepare myself for the terrifying days of jury deliberation.

The first day was difficult.  I tried remain confident of God’s will.  I tried to continually surrender the situation and my concerns to Him.  I somehow made it through the day.  As hard as the first day of deliberation was, the second was excruciating!  My emotions were all over the place, and worst case scenarios were running rampant through my imagination.  I had never considered the fact that the jury could find the defendant not guilty and there was nothing I could do about it.  I wanted to reiterate the truth of Rosario’s testimony to the jurors.  I wanted them to give my sister the vindication she deserved after everything she had been through.  But I had no control over the situation whatsoever.  I simply had to trust that God would take care of it.  I was failing miserably.  I was an absolute wreck that day.  With every passing minute I grew less and less confident in the Lord.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.

I heard God ask me in the deep recesses of my heart, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Lord.  I trust you.”

“Cecilia, do you trust me?”

“Yes… Why?  Are you preparing me because they are going to find her not guilty?  Please – don’t do that to Rosario.  Don’t do that to my family.  Have mercy on my sister!!”

“Cecilia?”

“Yes?” I replied weakly.

“Do you trust me?”

I felt physically ill from worry, but I knew that God would be the ultimate judge and jury.  Any justice would come from Him, whether on earth or in heaven.  Yes, I did trust even in my anxiety and angst.

In the end, the Lord won the day with a guilty verdict on the charge of robbery, use of a deadly weapon and causing bodily harm.  The jury was hung on the charge of attempted murder, so it was a half victory, but a victory just the same.  Justice was served, and I was reminded of Psalm 37: 6 – Trust that God will act and make your integrity shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday.

Trust.  As I said in lesson one, it’s never been an easy one for me, but I’m learning.  God has continued to challenge my trust in various ways over the past two weeks.  As with all virtues, practice makes perfect, which means I can expect the lessons to last until my dying breath.  I won’t mind so long as there are no more elevators or juries involved and all the lesson include dancing!

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