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the agony of limbo

January 7, 2011

If there is one thing I’ve learned this week it’s that this living in limbo thing is not for me.  I don’t even feel like I’m living anymore.  My life as I once knew it has already ended.  I don’t have time for the commitments and activities I used to occupy myself with because all my extra time is spent assessing, organizing and packing my belongings.  I have lists of lists of things I need to do, projects I need to wrap up and loved ones I need to see before I move, not to mention trying to prepare as much as possible for what will soon be my new reality.

So where does that leave me, with one era of my life is over and the next not yet underway?  Ahh, yes.  Waiting in limbo and torn between the old and the new.  In the words of Daffy Duck, it is pure “Agony! A-GOOO-NYYYYYY!!!!”  I am so overwhelmed with trying to balance daily demands while having one foot in the past and one in the future that part of me wonders how I will survive the next two weeks.  I just want this to be over!  Of course, another part of me doesn’t want it to end.  I’m not ready to kiss my family and friends good-bye and venture off into the great unknown.  I wish these days could last longer than 24 hours, so I can spend as much time as possible with those I love.  And then there is that unfortunate part of me that has to play mediator between the other two.  (If I’m not careful, I’m going to run out of parts!) 

My mediator self has a heck of a job keeping the other portions of myself grounded in the present moment.  Transitions are never easy, and this one is stretching me to the limit.  I keep reminding myself to embrace the moment, but it is hard to concentrate on anything because of the 562 other thoughts, concerns, obligations and tasks leaping about in my brain like sugar-fueled kids in a bounce-house.  Is it any wonder I feel shell-shocked, numb, impatient and agitated? 

Ugh!  This living in limbo thing may not be for me, but it is my only option.  I guess that means it’s time for my mediator self to bring the conflicting parties together for a good cry and a pint of mango sorbetto so I can give myself fully to the present moment, even if it is limbo agony.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Cristin Luea permalink
    January 7, 2011 7:01 pm

    ((hugs))

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