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paralyzing arachnid

March 4, 2011

I got home late the other night with only one thing on my mind: bed.  I slowly went through my nightly routine.  The heaviness of sleep was already beginning to take effect.  I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when I saw a dark shadow move along the floor near the shower.  A spider.  Not just any spider – this thing was huge.  Its body was the length of the nail on my little finger, and with its long thunder-thigh legs the spider was about the size of a quarter, if not larger.  No exaggeration.  I didn’t scream, but I somehow managed to gasp without choking on the toothpaste that filled my mouth.

Normally spiders don’t bother me.  I should clarify by saying I have no problem killing spiders.  It may take a minute or two before I work up the courage to whack it with whatever item is closest, but I can do it.  However, those are usually little pittily things, not massive gigantic ones like this! I was able to finish brushing my teeth before paralysis set in.  I stood in the middle of the bathroom too afraid to move.  Seconds seemed like minutes and minutes like hours, neither of us moving.  I whimpered and moaned and cringed.  There was nothing within reach that was heavy enough to do any damage to the creepy thing.

I don’t know where the idea came from, but I got it into my head that I should spray it with something, like hairspray.  But I keep the hairspray in my bedroom and I didn’t want to leave the spider by itself.  What if it made a run for it?  I wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom peacefully knowing that there was a spider lurking about!  I finally psyched myself up and frantically ran to the bedroom.

I returned to the bathroom armed with “Instant Freeze” hairspray to freeze him in place and my hefty snow boot to finish him off.  Only my plan didn’t work so well.  The hairspray failed to paralyze the arachnid, although it did give me the courage I needed to attack the eight-legged bathroom invader.  In the end, my snow boot proved to be sufficient.

Of course by that time, my plans for going straight to bed were ruined.  I was so full of adrenaline after the arachnid episode that I couldn’t fall asleep!  And neither could I stop thinking that I need to contact the makers of Aussie Instant Freeze Hairspray.  It may work on hair but it certainly does not on work on spiders!  I should let them know…

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One Comment leave one →
  1. March 13, 2011 3:24 pm

    Did you forget to pack the bat from your old apartment? It could have ate the spider for you!! :)

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