the agony of not yet
There was a great commercial back in the day that used to crack me up. I don’t even remember what it was for, but one scene showed a crossing guard towering over the camera, holding a big red stop sign with his white-gloved hand up, saying “Not yet! Not yet! Not yet!” Well that has been the story of my Lent. Everything I’ve been praying for has been delayed. Some of my prayer requests were close to being resolved but some random obstacle delayed the outcome, leaving me in a continued state of limbo. No matter what it was that I prayed for, God didn’t say yes or no. All he said was “Not yet! Not yet! Not yet!” That commercial isn’t as funny as it used to be.
This limbo, this waiting is excruciating. I would be content with answers or resolutions, even if they are opposed to the outcomes I am praying for. I just want to be able to move forward. It should have been no surprise that nearly everything I confessed yesterday could be traced back to patience, as the priest graciously pointed out.
This is how I felt all throughout Lent.
(Skip ahead to the 31 second mark for my exact sentiments.)
Yet as I suffer through my personal Agony in the Garden, I recognize that it is nothing compared to that of Christ’s Agony. The eventual resolutions for which I wait will not end in humiliation, scourging, being crowned with thorns, carrying a cross and crucifixion for the salvation of the world. Jesus knew what awaited him at the end of the evening, and still he waited. He waited and he prayed.
I don’t always appreciate the way my life seems to parallel the liturgical calendar, especially during Lent and Holy Week, but accept it I must, in hopes that by partaking in Christ’s suffering I too will share in the joy of His Resurrection. And maybe even move beyond my agony of ‘not yet’ to the other side of the street where resolutions exist.